NEW BOOK
The Whisky River
(Luath Press - £12.99)

This is my follow-up to The Whisky Muse.
It is a book about the distilleries of Speyside - all 52 of them (the research was arduous!) and includes history, travelogue, interesting facts, poems, songs and wondeful illustrations.














NEW ALBUM

One For The Road    lyrics

1. Whisky Anthem : Robin Laing

From the Lowlands to the Highlands

From Japan to the Hebrides

From Orkney to Kentucky

And the far Antipodes

From Tennessee to Canada

And Ireland’s emerald land

There’s a world of whisky out there

So let’s have another dram

There’s a world of whisky out there

So let’s have another dram

Here’s to the corn and the maize

The barley and the rye

Here’s to the good old angels

Floating up on high

Here’s to the worms and the washbacks

The still house and the vats

The wood so tight – a lovely sight

Hoggies, barrels and butts

It’s better for you than red wine

Less calories than beer

You can drink it any time of day

And any time of year

You can pour it on your porridge

Dab it behind your ears

In the hallowed halls of alcohol

Whisky has no peer

From the Lowlands to the Highlands

From Japan to the Hebrides

From Orkney to Kentucky

And the far Antipodes

From Tennessee to Canada

And Ireland’s emerald land

There’s a world of whisky out there

So let’s have another dram

There’s a world of whisky out there

So let’s have another dram

Here’s to the guys who drink the stuff

A little or a lot

And here’s to the guys who sell it to ‘em

What a difficult job they’ve got

Here’s to the whisky blenders

May their noses be insured

But the guys who make it – you can take it

The keys to heaven are yours

Whisky for the heart

Whisky for the soul

Whisky stands for friendship

And stories to be told

And all around the world

Whenever whisky’s poured

The hatred of the past will end at last

And peace will be restored

Chorus…

2. Heaven Hill : Robin Laing

There’s a woman who lives on Heaven Hill

Lord! She’s my kind of girl

She keeps me free from the winter chill

Out on the porch at night

She intoxicates me by degrees

And mostly has me on my knees

Doing the things that she knows will please

me – up on Heaven Hill

We drank whisky from an old stone jar

We made love in a Mustang car

We lay back and we watched the stars

High on Heaven Hill

It’s hard to come down from Heaven Hill

I know I have to but I don’t have the will

When we’re together it’s such a thrill

She takes my breath away

She’s got honey she’s got spice

She’s pepper hot and she’s cold as ice

She’s got what it takes to entice

Me – up on Heaven Hill

We drank whisky from an old stone jar…

Oh the moon shines down on Heaven Hill

And I do believe it always will

In my mind I can see her still

Reaching a hand out to me

She made me feel I was in space

Swingin’ her dark hair over my face

And all the stars in the Universe chased

Me – up over Heaven Hill

We drank whisky from an old stone jar

We made love in a Mustang car

We lay back and we travelled to the stars

High on Heaven Hill

3. The Sun's Comin' Over The Hill : Karine Polwart

Six rain-ridden summers and he still had an eye for me

He kissed me each evening and told me he'd die for me

And then he ran off the road, full of whisky and irony

He always meant what he said

So I took to whisky so I could recall
The taste of his mouth on my mouth, that's all
And I tried to same trick with a truck, but it stalled
The engine was better off dead

Oh how the nights are long

But life is longer still

Oh how the nights are long

But the sun's coming over the hill

The taste never left me, and I don't think it will
And it caused me to supplement whisky with pills
But there was something inside that I couldn't kill
Believe me, I really did try

Now there's some say you get what you deserve, but they're wrong
Sometimes you get what you're given, and then it's all gone
And you are lucky if you are sufficiently strong
To daily decide not to die

Oh how the nights are long

I can't say there's many things I wouldn't change
There are better days gone than those that remain
But I can find joy in the sound of the rain
You have to find joy where you can

Oh how the nights are long

4. Elijah Craig : Robin Laing

Elijah Craig was a preacher man

He could save your soul from hell

And give you a taste of heaven

From his old corn whisky still

Elijah Craig, he served us well

Elijah Craig had good strong hands

Confidence and skill

He took the river in an untamed land

And made it drive the mill

He always seemed the kind of man

To have a damn good try

And he turned out timber, rope and grain

For the pioneers to buy

Elijah Craig was a preacher man

He could save your soul from hell

And give you a taste of heaven

From his old corn whisky still

Elijah Craig, he served us well

Elijah Craig had a good strong voice

It rang like a mission bell

His words rained down from cathedral skies

And they held you in their spell

And when he sang the holy psalms

It made your spirit rise

There was something special in this man

You could see it in his eyes

He took his place on the frontier

And he knew what to do

To ease the pain of the pilgrims passing through

Elijah Craig had a good business brain

And the soul of an engineer

His family came from a Highland glen

Out west to the new frontier

He preached the word of a vengeful God

And he strove to do his will                              

But somehow he knew God would smile

On his old corn whisky still

Elijah Craig was a preacher man

He could save your soul from hell

And give you a taste of heaven

From his old corn whisky still

Elijah Craig, he served us well

He took his place on the frontier

And he knew

Just what to do

For me and you

And all the pilgrims passing through

‘Cos he knew

That we are all – just pilgrims passing through

5. Speyside Whisky Song : Robin Laing

By Benromach and Balmenach and Benriach I will go

For the Whisky River’s calling me away

By Tormore and Tamnavoulin, by Aultmore and Tomintoul

For a spiritual sprauchle by the Spey

By Macallan and Glendullan and Glenallachie we’ll go

Distilleries unfolding by the score

By Kininvie and Craigellachie, Mortlach and Auchroisk

Pittyvaich and Miltonduff and Mannochmore

There’s a wee dram waiting at the end of every mile

From Dufftown all the way to Dallas Dhu

And a wee sensation that will surely make you smile

At Knockando, Caperdonich and Cardhu.

From Glenrothes to Gentauchers, from Glenfarclas to Glenspey

From Glen Moray to Glen Elgin and Glen Grant

From Glenfiddich to Glenlossie, Glenlivet to Glen Keith

I’m a whisky-sippin’ Speyside sycophant

There’s Braeval and there’s Benrinnes, Linkwood and Cragganmore

Then there’s Speyburn and Strathisla and Strathmill

There’s Inchgower, Aberlour, Longmorn and Tamdhu

And the only problem’s picking up the bill

And the Spey runs sweetly from the mountains to the sea

Through scenery so stunning and sublime

There are angels everywhere, soaking up their share

Aye and that’s OK as long as I get mine

For the heid or for the body, taken neat or in a toddy

As a medicine it canny be surpassed

If you’re fightin off a lurgie, you can gargle wi’ Glenburgie

If you’re feeling rather blue then try a double o’ Dailuaine

If you’re miserable and fluish hae a drappie o’ Drumguish

And for ony kind o’ pain scoop a shot o’ Allt a Bhainne

And Balvenie is Viagra in a glass

6. A’ bunadh : Robin Laing

I love you a’ bunadh

You take me away

Winter storms may be howling

But I can feel the warm breath of May

And it’s a sunny day

I love you a’ bunadh

In you I can hear

The rhythmic pounding of the dancers

Raising dust in a bar in Sevilla

And I love the way that feels

Like the words of a poet that’s long been dead

You’re swimming around and around in my head

Like the words of a song still to be sung

You’re there, right there

On the tip of my tongue

I love you a’ bunadh

Through you I can see

The golden glow from the dawn of the world

And I feel like it’s shining on me

Endlessly

Like the words…

I love you a’ bunadh

You speak to my heart

Caught up in the spin of life’s tumble

You whisper me back to the start

And I need that

Like the words…

7. We can’t let Al Qaeda get their hands on this : Robin Laing

There’s a secret installation on the western seas

Cunningly disguised among the Hebrides

It might seem innocent to those who are naive

But this could bring a super power to its knees.

Now I am a US Internet spy

And I’ve seen what they’re up to with my own eyes

They say it’s only whisky but I’m tellin’ you,

They tested it on the local folk and I’ve seen what it can do.

So be careful how you’re steppin’

Round this deadly lethal weapon

And tell all the patriots it’s time to enlist

We’ve got to take some action

‘Gainst this weapon of mass distraction

Oh we can’t let Al Qaeda get their hands on this.

The scary thing is it’s made from a kind of grass

With biological action to give it critical mass

And if they get it up to 90 ABV

It’s going to be an awesome WMD

So be careful how you’re steppin’

Round this deadly lethal weapon

And tell all the patriots it’s time to enlist

We’ve got to take some action

‘Gainst this weapon of mass distraction

Oh we can’t let Al Qaeda get their hands on this.

So I got me a sample and sent it to the lab

The lab report came back sayin’ ‘Man this stuff’s not bad’

So I am defecting ‘cos one thing’s clear

I’d rather die from this stuff than from American beer

So be careful how you’re steppin’

Round this deadly lethal weapon

And tell all the patriots it’s time to enlist

We’ve got to take some action

‘Gainst this weapon of mass distraction

Oh we can’t let Al Qaeda get their hands on this.

Oh we can’t let Al Qaeda get their hands on this.

Oh we can’t let Al Qaeda get their hands on this.

8. Uisquebaugh Baul : Robin Laing

Uisquebaugh Baul, Uisquebaugh Baul

High intensity alcohol

Exceedingly risky, it’s perilous whisky

One sip and you’ll stumble and fall

Uisquebaugh Baul is four times distilled

Some say it cures and some say it kills

Take my advice and make out a will

Before you try Uisquebaugh Baul

You might try a sip but don’t try a second

It packs more punch than ever you reckoned

You’ll spin in the wind like the Corryvrekkan

With dangerous Uisquebaugh Baul

Uisquebaugh Baul, Uisquebaugh Baul

High intensity alcohol

Exceedingly risky, it’s perilous whisky

One sip and you’ll stumble and fall

The island of Islay has numerous wrecks

Mostly from flinging it over their necks

And now here’s a dram that’s better than sex

Four times Uisquebaugh Baul

This is the stuff to put out your lights

It kicks and it bites; it’s like kryptonite

You can lie on the floor but you have to hold tight

For you’re spinning with Uisquebaugh Baul

Uisquebaugh Baul, Uisquebaugh Baul

High intensity alcohol

Exceedingly risky, it’s perilous whisky

One sip and you’ll stumble and fall

One spoonful your heart’s beating fast

Two spoonfuls you’re feeling quite gassed

Three spoonfuls you’ve breathed your last

You’re in the past - Oh, What a blast

Uisquebaugh Baul

You’ll be on the losing side

Too late to run, no place to hide

You’ve passed the point where you know what you’re doing

Facing the end – the final ruin

Cursing poor Jim MacEwan

‘Cos you’re on the losing side

You’re on the losing side

Uisquebaugh Baul, Uisquebaugh Baul

High Intensity, 17^th Century,

Savage ferocity, super velocity

Wonderful Uisquebaugh Baul!

9. Bottle of Gin : Mark Wise

I’m going down to the corner

To buy me a bottle of gin

I’m going down to the corner

To buy me a bottle of gin

I’m thru with this whisky

Whisky drinkin’s a sin

I’m tired of people talking ‘bout the shape I’m in

You see me at Ruby’s

Whisky glass in my hand

You see me down at Ruby’s

Whisky glass in my hand

You’ve got my permission

To shoot me right where I stand

Cos there’s sure as hell no whisky in the promised land

Back in Jolly Ole England,

Gin's the drink that they choose

Back in Jolly Ole England,

Gin's the drink that they choose 

You never saw no Limey,

throwin' up on his shoes..

It's clear like water,

gonna' chase away my blues...

I’m going down to the corner

To buy me a bottle of gin

I’m going down to the corner

To buy me a bottle of gin

I’m thru with this whisky

Whisky drinkin’s a sin

I’m tired of people talking ‘bout the shape I’m in

I’m tired of people talking ‘bout the shape I’m in

I’m tired of these people talking ‘bout the shape I’m in

10. The Whisky Makes You Sweeter : Amy Allison

Oh, the whisky makes you sweeter than you are

If I’d quit drinking sooner, sure I wouldn’t have gone that far